There are a million different factors that can play into the “who, what, when, where and how” of pursuit in relationships. Because of this I decided to collab with Dushawn Banks on this topic to get a male’s point of view. He did an AMAZING job in his post of diving into the psychology of the pursuit and whether or not it actually reflects interest. To read his perspective on this subject click here!!
It is now completely typical, and even encouraged, for a woman to make first moves if she finds herself interested in a guy. No two people are the same so every relationship has its exceptions. But as a person that’s been both the exception and the rule in many dating situations, I wanted to present a few advantages of allowing the man to initiate the pursuit instead, specifically the first instance of approaching a woman and showing interest in her.
To start, let’s meet “Guy #1” and “Guy #2” The names are obviously fake, but the stories of them pursuing me are very much real! I’ll be comparing them against each other to demonstrate what you can learn about a man by how he chooses to pursue you!
I was at the store walking towards my car… in the rain (ugh)… when I heard a honk. I peered into the rain splattered window of the shiny black luxury car it came from and saw a man motioning me to come to him. From what I could see between raindrops falling onto my eyelashes, his gaze never actually made it up to my face. Between his approach (if you can even call it that) and my irritation with being rained on, I tried my best to hide my disgust (I don’t think I did a very good job) and proceeded to my car. How dare he honk at me to come over to him while he’s sitting warm and dry in his car?! So I’m just supposed to stand in the rain while you spit game to me? Not to mention, he actually took me for the type of woman that would even respond to something like that. (I’m clearly getting irritated all over again… Let’s move on.)
I was walking into a restaurant as a man was walking out. As we passed each other, out of the corner of my eye I saw him stop walking and completely turn towards my direction as I was walking through the door of the restaurant. I thought this was going to be another “Aye girl” moment (you know, that one phrase that some men Down South use to get a woman’s attention for all of the wrong reasons *rolls eyes*) so I proceeded inside even though I saw him pause. As I grabbed my order from the restaurant and headed towards my car I noticed that he was still there, sitting in his car. I thought, “Is he waiting for me??” Sure enough, he quickly got out of his car to catch up to me before I pulled off. He approached me with caution to introduce himself and told me what he did for a living. He asked me the same and seemed genuinely interested because he had a follow-up question for almost everything I mentioned about myself. He explained that he wanted to respect my time but would like to talk more and asked my permission to do so. Instead of giving him my number right away, I gave him my handle to a social media, which he gladly accepted. I received a message from him later that day saying that it was nice to meet me and he looked forward to speaking more.
Now, let’s talk about what I was able to determine by the way they each chose to approach and show interest in me. I often find that a man’s pursuit shows:
1. His Character
I believe that the difference in how each of these men demonstrated their interest has a lot to do with the differences in their character.
Guy #1’s pursuit led me to beli