Updated: Jan 10
If you follow me on Instagram, then you've probably noticed that I celebrated a birthday last week. (I'm 30 y'all!!)
Among the millions of things I did to celebrate, I went to a jazz club one night. While I was there, I noticed a handful of men who seem to be interested in me. These were men of all ages and persuasions, which is completely fine with me. But the thing is.... not ONE of them approached me.
Now, please understand that I'm not that chick that thinks every man who turns my way wants to get with me. Quite the contrary... My friends have to actually bring it to my attention (and sometimes even convince me) when someone is showing interest me. But the attention I was getting from multiple angles at one time was almost enough to make my introverted self run and hide.
Let me set the scene... just so you won't think I'm making this up.
First, let me say that I was dressed fairly modestly- black jeans, flow-y top, chunky heel. I was snazzy, but nothing to drool over.
The guy who was supposed to be manning the door not only clumsily greeted me 3 times in a row, but left his post to escort me inside and waited by the hostess desk until my party and I were seated. I even have a hunch that he's behind the reason why our 45-minute wait turned into a quick 5 minutes.
A man sitting at the bar was burning a hole in the back of my head the whole night. Every...single... time I turned around, there he was.... staring in my direction and smiling slyly. I don't even want to know what was on his mind.... *shivers*
The saxophone player had an imaginary bulls eye on me. He never broke his gaze, even following me all the way to the bathroom and all the way back to my seat. During his breaks on stage he would stand to the side of the room, continuing to stare. And every time I looked up, I noticed that he would inch closer and closer to our table, but never came over to say hello.
The only one that did approach us was a very drunk man who asked to take a picture with us so that he could show his friends back in Chicago how beautiful we were. I would have agreed to anything just to get him to stop spitting in my face when he spoke.
Now, I was with some pretty astonishingly gorgeous women that night. And my first instinct is usually to believe that the stares, smiles, nods, and gestures are for the people in my vicinity. I'm really careful to rule out those possibilities before I assume anybody is checking for me. How embarrassing is it to make flirty eyes with a guy across the room only for him to approach the woman behind you.... yeah I won't be that girl (again).
So I asked one of my really good guy friends what could cause something like this to happen. How can a woman be in a room full of interested men and get approached by no one?
As a psychologist, I've come accustomed to being aware of my body language at all times and what it could possibly be conveying to those around me. But could I have done anything differently to make myself more approachable?
There's a number of circumstances that could have been at play, but my friend gave me 3 reasons for this specific situation.
Reason #1- Shy
Yes... some men are actually shy. But according to my friend, if you make the first move you'll have to keep doing it. His shyness may also be a reflection of another character flaw. It's really difficult to be both shy and successful as an adult. Success requires risk, whether it's in your career, finances, or your relationships. If he is willing let his shyness overpower his desire to shoot his shot, then he might not be confident in who he is and what he is able to offer.
Reason #2- He lacks tenacity
Audacity. Backbone. Spunk. Grit. Boldness. Toughness. Fearlessness.
This is what puts the "man" in "manly." No matter how independent a woman is, we all desire a man with these qualities. It's what makes us exhale as we rest our chin on our hand and fan away the hot-and-bothered-ness.
Apparently, there's a certain level of "go get it" that every man should have. And my guy friend believes that when this factor is missing, it's a major red flag.
Reason #3- Spiritual block
Did I mention that my friend is a prophet? Well he is! He mentioned that another reason a man might not approach you is because of a spiritual hedge that may be blocking his entry. He might want to talk to you, but if you are covered as a child of God, then he might not be able to get to you.
This made me wonder how many times I got bummed because a guy didn't approach me when all the while it was God blocking the enemy from invading my life. PRAISES!!
Like I said before, there's so many things that can be at play in a situation like this. And let's be clear, not all of them fall on the shoulders of the man. Sometimes we women can make ourselves unapproachable by our body language and the energy we give off. (This is another topic for another blog post!) But I was so fascinated by these reasons that I couldn't not share them!
Has this ever happened to you before? I know I can't be the only one...