Updated: Jan 10
When I tell people that I haven't had sex in over 3 years, they react as if I've been going without food and water. What many people don't realize is that the very thing they think is necessary is actually ruining their ability to date effectively. And here are 3 reasons why...
1. It blinds you
Dating is fun, but its main purpose is for data collection - collecting information about a person to determine if he/she has the qualities that you need and want and if you're both going in the same direction in life. This is a whole mission within itself. But having sex with a person handicaps you from being able to do that properly.
Sex causes chemical reactions within our minds and bodies. It prevents us from seeing someone clearly when we don't already know them well. So instead of confronting them about certain issues, we begin to make excuses for them. Instead of spending time talking and learning about each other, we spend our time together with sex as the measuring tool for whether or not we had "a good time."
Saving sex for marriage isn't to suck the fun out of life. It protects you from later on realizing that you're in a relationship with a stranger because you were blinded from seeing them clearly while dating them.
2. It confuses you
Again, sex cause chemical changes within your brain and body. When you have sex with someone, you are exchanging a piece of yourselves with each other. You take on each other's thoughts, mannerisms, and even proclivities. Can you imagine taking on someone's thoughts and issues before really even knowing what they are?
This leads to major confusion because you're adding someone else's personality and moral code to yours which causes an internal war. A lot of people struggle with their identity simply because they have given themselves to someone before determining if they shared their same values, views, and morals.
Saving sex for marriage prevents this from happening because the dating and courting period of your relationship is used to find out the thoughts and perspectives of someone. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you have to agree with everything a person thinks in order to date them. But it is important that you share the same overall morals, standards, and values.
3. It backfires on you
You'd be surprised how well a person can play a part just to get what they want. They will be whoever they need to be and tell you whatever you want to hear. We get so excited that we stop paying attention to signs and red flags and this is especially true after having sex with someone. We fall for the flattering words and allow ourselves to let go. And then, once they get what they want, they're gone and we're left confused.
This is especially true with men because the challenge and the chase are what keeps them interested long enough to learn and love who you are. But don't get it twisted, women are capable of it too! You think having sex with someone solidifies the relationship when it actually ends up causing them to lose interest.
Sometimes, learning the truth about someone simply comes down to the waiting game. If you're serious about finding the one, don't get so wrapped up in the whirlwind of romance (or feeding your fix). Stay level-headed long enough to see who this person really is and if they have staying power.
Your body is a prize, but it definitely shouldn't be the main motivation behind why someone is dating you. If they are pursuing the body more than the person inside of it, then let that be a clear sign of where their value lies when it comes to you.