Is it just me, or does it seem like you turn invisible as soon as you decide to open yourself up to dating?? When a relationship was the last thing I wanted, I was turning people down left and right. But once I decided that I was ready to date, I felt like a one-woman show, working overtime to attract the right potentials.
After spending my time doing way too much in this area, I've learned that less is more. Preparing for the right person has less to do with tracking them down and more to do with placing your attention in the right places. These 3 simple steps will help you attract what you want and FINALLY get the relationship goals of your dreams!
These steps came straight from the "Relationship Goals" section of the Vision Planner 2020! It also includes guided questions in 6 other major life areas, such as career, finances, health, personal development, and more! Click here to learn more!
1. How can you improve the relationships you have?
When you have a special guest coming to your home, chances are you prepare for their arrival by making sure your house is spotless. You wouldn't invite them into a mess and then ask them to help you clean. But oftentimes, this is exactly what we do in our relationships.
We seek to start new relationships while the ones we currently have are a complete mess. This becomes a major red flag to potentials because it gives them a foreshadowing of what they can expect from you. So if your relationships with your family and friends have even the slightest touch of toxicity, this is enough to make a good person head for the hills. Water the grass you're standing on before going in search of greener pastures. And who knows, once you begin to invest in the relationships you currently have, you may find that you already have your relationship goals right in front of you!
Write a list of the important relationships in your life and pinpoint 1-3 things that you can do to improve each one of them. For example, learning your mother's love language can help you show her you care more effectively. Or if you find that most of the conversations you have with your sister turn into fighting matches, commit to "responding" to her instead of "reacting" by counting to 10 before speaking.
2. What old relationships do you need to end?
Sometimes we don't have room for the new relationships we desire because our lives are full of old relationships we haven't let go of. Every relationship we have is either for a reason, season, or a lifetime. But sometimes our "loyalty" can cause us to hold on to relationships after their time is up in our lives.
Figure out which relationships may be serving as an infection in your life. Infections spread and one rotten apple can spoil the bunch. The relationship you refuse to let go of can actually prevent new relationships from coming and can even negatively effect other areas of your life, such as your finances and health.
Take an inventory of the relationships that are no longer serving you well (you KNOW which ones they are!) Ask yourself if you've done all you can to improve it. If so, decide to remove that relationship from your life in a way that honors what you had, but gives you the freedom to move forward.
3. What new relationships do you want in your life?
Most people make the mistake of desiring the relationship goals they see others have instead of determining what they want and need for themselves. Forget about what "looks" successful to everyone else and ask yourself what a successful relationship looks like for you.
Find out the things your relationship absolutely needs to have for it to live up to your dreams and some definite deal-breakers as well. Becoming clear about what you want and need in your dream relationship will make it easier to recognize when you see it.
Write down 5 non-negotiable qualities that your relationship needs to have and 5 things that serve as instant deal-breakers. Then, jot down some preferences - things that you want but could live without if all other qualities were accounted for.
The truth is, you attract who you are, not what you want. If you haven't noticed already, these 3 steps focus more on changing your mindset and perspective than changing your relationship status. Making an effort to improve the relationships you already have, letting go of the old ones, and making room for the new ones are the missing keys to unlocking the relationship goals of your dreams!