Updated: Jan 10
In last week's post, I gave a possible reason as to why we stay in (or return to) toxic relationships even when we know we should end it - soul ties.
(If you haven't read/watched that post yet, I would suggest visited that one first! There are major levels to this!)
Many people believe that soul ties can only be formed by having sex with someone, but I believe this is yet another deception that satan wants us to believe in order to keep us in the dark and not become completely free.
In this post, I'll be addressing 4 types of soul ties - physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. There are godly and ungodly forms of each. What determines that is the reason (or spirit) that connected you with that person in the first place.
1. Physical Soul Ties
Soul ties were created by God to foster unity. It serves as a magnet that is supposed to help us bond and connect with the people and groups that we need to survive and serve a purpose with.
Godly physical soul ties are formed between biological family members, during the consummation of marriage to create oneness between a husband and wife, and through showing loving affection towards family, friends and loved ones, such as a hug, kiss, rub on the back, pat on the arm, ect.
Ungodly physical soul ties are formed as a result of having sex outside of marriage and engaging in physical affection with the intent, or thought, of having sex outside of marriage.
Many times we stay in unhealthy relationships because the physical connection ends up blinding us to the realities of just how toxic the situation is. We begin making excuses for them and using love and loyalty as a reason to stay, when really it is the soul tie that's keeping us attached.
Trying to leave a situation like this is much like trying to pull two magnets apart- they will only get so far apart before they collide back into each other. This is why it's so hard to leave a bad relationship once and for all once physical lines are crossed. This is also why sex with "no strings attached" is impossible. Oh, there are strings- they're called soul ties.
2. Emotional Soul Ties
These type of soul ties are formed by sharing emotional feelings and experiences with someone. Going through highs and lows, loses and gains, and up and downs with someone has a tendency to strengthen your bond with them.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) says:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Godly emotional soul ties were meant to keep you encouraged, protected, and accountable during tough and trying times. It's the reason that would prompt you to stand and fight with someone and instead of just walking away when things get tough. It's what gives you the passion to hold their hand and be their strength when they have none left.
The ungodly version of this soul tie occurs when someone plays on your emotions and hardships to manipulate you into loving them, not leaving them, or helping them achieve a desired outcome. Some people even create storms just to push you closer to them. But don't get me wrong, this isn't always done maliciously. Some toxic people don't even realize they are toxic and may do these things subconsciously.
A lot of times this is where the "loyalty factor" becomes the strongest because it's hard to cut someone off when you think of what you've endured together. Even if you know they are toxic, you may find yourself thinking, "After all we've been through, I can't just give up now." A part of you may rationalize that if you leave, everything you've had to put up with would have all been for nothing.
3. Spiritual Soul Ties
We are spiritual beings who were created for relationships.
You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.
God uses spiritual soul ties for mentorship - it's His tool of choice for imparting knowledge, wisdom, and skill to one another. Yes, God does have an education system! But so does the enemy...
Satan will always send the perfect people into your life to teach you all of the things that go against God's word and His purpose for your life. He'll introduce you to that person who can show you a sex life that blows our mind, but leaves you with a child to raise on your own, forcing you to drop out of college and delay your purpose.
It's important to inspect the spirit of the people that attempt to come into your life because we learn from every person we choose to connect with. We have to be very careful not to form spiritual soul ties with people who will teach us all of the wrong things.
4. Social Soul Ties
Even the most severe loner still needs someone to connect with. Why? Because that's the way were are made - we're social creatures. Social soul ties can be formed through friendships or other shared social groups.
The purpose of godly social soul ties is simply so that we can look out for each other and increase the odds of us all living in harmony down here on this earth. It reduces the "every man for himself" way of living which would eventually result in our extinction.
Ungodly social soul ties are formed when you connect with people who are looking to build a "team" around an ungodly purpose. Certain hate and intolerance groups are formed for the sole purpose of causing division and chaos on every level from large to small - friends, families, groups, populations, societies, and even the world.
Some of these soul ties can develop from one type of soul tie into another. For example, a coworker may become a friend, then after sharing emotional feelings, the relationship may develop into a physical one. Not ideal, but you get the picture!
Last week I asked you to take an inventory of your relationships and determine if they were based on godly or ungodly soul ties. This week I want you to take those same relationships and determine what type (or types) of soul tie it is.
Improvement always starts with understanding. And as you get clearer on the basis that your relationships are built on, you'll have more solid ground to stand on when removing the toxicity from your life once and for all.
Click here for Part 3 of this mini-series on Soul Ties!