Updated: Jan 10, 2020
What qualities make a person more desirable? What do men and women really want? Do we even really know what we want??
These questions led me to make a poll on Instagram in pursuit of answers. (Not that my IG is a perfect population sample, but it's a great start. Plus, I happen to think my followers are pretty perfect *wink*)
My goals was to see which desirable qualities overlapped between men and women to get an overall idea of what is considered desirable across the board. (I'm in full research psychology mode right now.)
Well the result are in and here's what I found!
There's nothing worse than feeling like you have to watch your back with the person you're in a relationship with. When you make space for someone in our world, you want to know that you can trust them - that they won't send your world crashing down by betraying you or leaving unexpectedly. We need to feel secure and safe in our relationships in order to give ourselves completely to it or else it will only be a fraction of what it could be.
Most of what we see in regards to submission in relationships revolves around a woman submitting to her husband, but what I've learned is that many women are taking extra precautions to make sure that the guys they're dating are fully submitted to God. Thankfully, we are starting to realize that if a man loves God and lives by the Word that it cuts out much of the risk factors that many women are worried about encountering in relationships, such as lying, cheating, inability to provide, unwillingness to communicate, being insensitive, abusive behaviors, anger issues, ect. Women don't want to submit to a man who has no one to answer to.
Support and loyalty go hand in hand, but they are far from being one in the same. It's very possible to be loyal and unsupportive, as well as supportive but disloyal.
Support involves providing encouragement and emotional help - not just "being there" for someone, but being helpful, sensitive, and understanding through every possible situation. This is a MUST because when things get tough in relationships, support along with commitment is what will allow you to grow stronger and closer in the midst of it.
Many of us have a fear of becoming boring after we settle into a relationship, so it's not surprising that most people desire someone who they can have fun with to keep the relationship exciting. A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone who bores you. When we're 80 years old and decades into marriage, we want to be able to still enjoy the company and conversation of our spouse.
My advice: Never date someone you aren't attracted to.
And when I say "attractive", I'm talking about more than just a nice face and body. It's very possible to be attracted to someone who isn't even your type physically. The root of our attraction to someone usually stems from a quality that's working underneath the surface - confidence.
Confidence allows you to create your own swag. It makes you enjoy putting effort into your image and presentation - one that's true to you. It gives you that x-factor that makes you bold, unique, and noticeable. It makes people like you before they even know you, which makes them feel like the need to know more...
The idea isn't to portray these qualities with the intention to make yourself desirable and snag a Bae. That's merely a benefit of it all. What needs to be understood is that these qualities are seen as desirable across the board by both men and women because it shows that you are secure in who you are and capable of adding value to someone's life. But you first need to become these things for yourself.
Before you can be desired by a potential mate, you must first come to a place where you genuinely desire yourself.