Let me start by saying that these questions are NOT for the Y.O.L.O. daters. These are questions for those who are dating with a purpose in mind: Marriage. With that being said, let’s set some ground rules, so if your next date sucks in a major way you won’t have a reason to come looking for me! Ok? Ok.
Rule number 1: Make a friend and have fun. Dates should never feel like an interview. The most successful marriages begin as friendships, the main objective should be determining if you want them as a friend.
Rule number 2: Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to answer. We can get so wrapped up in checking things off of our “lists” (you have one, don’t act like you don’t, it’s all good) that we forget that our date has one as well. Be prepared to answer the questions you ask.
Rule number 3: Unless you have one of those 8 hour dates where you talk about everything under the sun (adorable), don’t feel pressured to ask all of your questions in one date. Keep them in mind, but ask them as it flows in natural conversation… or in those awkward moments when both of you run out of things to say.
Rule number 4 is MOST important: Don’t let your questions get in the way of what your discernment is trying to tell you about your date as well. You may not need to ask ANY questions and just hi-tail it outta there! Pray before your date and ask God to reveal what you need to see.
Alright! Let’s get into 5 seemingly simple questions that could tell you so much more about your date than you would expect! (In no particular order.)
1. What church do you go to?
(I just felt all of the non-churchgoers back out of this post LMBO!!)
This question lets you know if they are spiritual and what spirit they subscribe to (there are bad spirits as well as good ones). Amos 3:3 says “How can two walk together unless they agree?” So make sure that you are prepared to be in agreement with whoever they serve and submit to. (Note: If they aren’t for Christ then they are automatically against Him. There’s no gray area. I don’t make the rules.)
Also ask follow-up questions like where it’s located, who the pastor is, and what the earmark of their church is (for example, my church is known for its emphasis on evangelism.) This will let you know if they are a faithful or casual member. Sneaky sneaky…
2. What’s your definition of success?
This will tell you what they’re motivated by and what they value as well.
For example, if someone says: “My definition of success is having a clear understanding of my purpose and using it to impact the world, as well as being financially independent so that I can live comfortably, provide for my family, and retire early” then, more than likely, this person is purpose-driven and ambitious, wants to make a difference in the world, strives to be financially successful, and values family. Winner!!!
Now if someone says: “Get money and live life, ya feel me!”
Then we can probably conclude that they don’t have a real plan or intent for their lives much less for a future family. For all we know, “Get money and live life” could be code for “Play Xbox while you’re at work.”
3. When is the last time you cried?
Now I know this sounds a little random… and strange… but it tells you SO MUCH about a person! What they cried about and when they cried about it can tell you if they are emotionally stable and aware, if they contain substance, and what they are passionate about. You can’t tell me that there’s not a difference between:
“The last time I cried was 15 years ago at my mom’s funeral.”
“I cried in the car before coming to this date because it made me think about my last relationship.”
“I cried on Wednesday, worshipping in church.”
Do you see it now?! Each of those responses says so much about the person saying it. Lemme break it down…(you know I HAVE to)
Response 1: This person experienced a painful event (mother’s death) and chose to disconnect from a part of their emotions. This will definitely affect their relationships because loving someone fully and completely requires a high level of vulnerability that they obviously are attempting to avoid. I personally would not let this one thing keep me from pursuing a relationship with them, but it’s very important information to be aware of.
Response 2: Now THIS person… My God… is someone I would RUN from! (Not even a brisk walk. I mean, straight up take off!) This person’s response can indicate that they are emotionally unstable, that they aren’t ready or able to move on, and that there is some unfinished business or open wounds left from their last relationship. Baggage is expected, even if it’s just a small makeup bag, but A LOT of damage can happen when someone enters into a relationship before they are ready.
Response 3: Now if my next date gives me this answer (and it’s not a lie)… it’s going to take the strength and wisdom of GOD Almighty for me not to fall ALL the way in love off of this one thing!! This response shows where this person’s heart lies and that they aren’t afraid to show it. It also lets you know that they are probably a faithful church goer with honorable priorities because they show up (not livestream the service online, but actually show up!!) for Jesus on a weekday! (That’s my Boo *heart eyes*)
4. Are you close to your mom and dad?
How people operate in their family has EVERYTHING to do with how they operate in their relationships (I don’t care what lies you’ve been told, decades of research has proven this. And I’ve read about 80% of it *sigh*). This one question could open the door for countless follow-up questions that could allow you to learn so much about them as a person and a potential boyfriend/girlfriend, and eventually, a spouse. Questions like where their parents live (a.k.a- do y’all have the same address… hello somebody!!), how often they see them, if they have siblings and how many (birth order says a lot about a person as well!), whether they are a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, the list is endless.
5. What do you think of me?
Now the boldness of this question has the tendency to catch people off-guard, so much so that they are pretty much forced to tell the truth. If they try to conjure up a lie or finesse their true feelings, it will be completely and utterly obvious. Ask this question when you feel you guys have had plenty of time and opportunities to communicate and get to know each other consistently so that they will have something substantial to go off of. If you ask it too early, then they are forced to answer this question based on what initially attracted them to you, which is usually how you look physically. Yeah, it might boost your ego for a bit, but finding a spouse will last you longer.
Welp… it’ll be summer before you know it! So get your “make it or break it” questions in before Cuffing Season is over. Ha! Just kidding… (Kind of).
Love you, Royal Family!!