I've always considered myself a very strong, put-together person. But as I approached the halfway mark of my 3oth year, I bravely decided to slow down long enough to see if that was actually true.
A couple of weeks into my "self-awareness journey," I surprisingly found myself depressed. I discovered that I've been walking around for the last 20 years in pieces - held together by tape, glue, and a false sense of strength and pride.
How could I have gone this long without even noticing the signs?!
Sometimes we mistakenly believe that we are the person we wish to be.
So instead of going through the process to become that person, we immediately (and sometimes unknowingly) jump into playing the part.
It's like putting on a doctor's coat before going to med school. You may be able to play the part long enough to fool a few people, and maybe even yourself, but sooner or later you're going to find yourself out of your depth.
And that's where I was - in the deep end with everything I hid away instead of dealing with in my haste to become who I wanted to be.
If this sounds a little familiar, then I'm glad you found your way to this post.
I'm going to share 6 of the signs that helped me to realize that I was depressed and ultimately caused me to seek help.
1. I felt a heavy sadness
Some days were better than others, but overall I felt heavy. I couldn't shake it or even make sense of it. I didn't quite know where it was coming from or what was causing it. I would try to talk myself out of it, pray myself out of it, and even recite scriptures, but I felt like something inside of me was immediately canceling it all out. I felt powerless.
2. I didn't want to do what I enjoyed
Nothing seemed appealing to me. It was like I was incapable of having fun. I even lost my joy for the little things like looking at the sky, listening to the birds sing, and that warm, satisfying feeling when you take the first sip of your coffee or tea.
I didn't want to read, listen to music, or go to the movies. I didn't even want to laugh.