Updated: Mar 7, 2019
Some of us have every intention of preparing properly for marriage, but have no idea that we’re only “playing pretend” because we have all of the wrong information. It’s a fine line between pretending and preparing, so it’s really easy to get these wires crossed. But don’t worry because, like always, I got you!
Pretending occurs when you base your relationship behaviors on myths, what you’ve seen on movies/tv, and what you assume from observing the relationships of others. It’s probably not your fault, but it’s up to you to find out the truth about relationships and how they work if you’re in it for the “real thing.”
Preparing occurs when you refuse to behave only from what you know about relationships, but instead attempt to learn what you don’t. This includes uncovering and discovering certain things about yourself: why you feel and do certain things in relationships, your issues and bad habits, and what you desire your relationship to be like.
The first thing you have to understand is that your success as a spouse is completely dependent on your success in your singleness. So if you one day want to be the spouse of someone’s dreams, then that’s something you need to begin preparing for now.
However, if you are preparing while currently in a relationship, you have to be VERY careful not to end up “playing house.” A person should not reap the benefits of a husband or wife without actually being one. BUT there are ways that you can practice these spouse-like qualities in your singleness or current relationship effectively.
It’s a proven fact that the issues and arguments in the most marriages revolve around 3 areas: sex, communication, and money. So these are the areas I’m going to zero in on.
Sex Pretending– Giving up the “treasure,” using it (or the hope of it happening) to influence certain actions Preparing-Having candid conversations about sexuality and actively learning more about your body and preferences
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that we are all completely passed using sex for manipulation and boosting our self-esteem. And it should be reason enough that the Bible outright says that it’s wrong. (Read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 and Hebrews 13:4)
But for all of my “gray area” people (pick a side already), sex makes dating “complicated” because it was never meant to happen until marriage. Sex is too complex a thing to invite into the simplicity that dating should provide. The very people that complain about dating being hard are the main ones bringing the complexity into it (a.k.a.- giving up the treasure).
Sex in dating brings about an entirely different connection, both chemically and emotionally, that drastically impairs your ability to figure out whether or not this is the person you really could spend a lifetime with.
Sex will tell you they’re cuddly when they’re unhealthy. It’ll tell you they’re a free spirit when they have no self-control or discipline. It’ll tell you they’re funny when they’re immature. And it’ll tell you they’re ambitious when they’re really just narcissistic.
Have you ever broken up with someone and later on you realized that all the things that you thought were cute or didn’t seem like a big deal were actually a HUGE deal?! Then you think, “Whoa that could have been really bad a year or two in…”
God is a GENUIS for intending sex for marriage. It’s only after you learn the qualities, standards, morals, good and bad habits, and the purpose and future plans of someone that you should create a bond as strong as the one that comes with experiencing a person sexually.
Sex is NOT an area that you want many surprises in. Your spouse-to-be needs to learn who you are sexually, but that doesn’t mean that they need to physically experience it just yet.