Updated: Jan 10
Last week's post was about knowing when you're ready to move on after a major break-up. But then what?? Knowing that you're ready to move on doesn't necessarily mean that you know how to do that effectively.
So here are 4 things you MUST do before going on your next first date!
1. Write "the list"
It might be in your journal, it might be on a Excel spreadsheet or Word document, it might even be a mental one, but everybody has "a list." And everyone should! How can you GET what you need if you don't KNOW what you need??
Know what your "Non-negotiables" are: your dealbreakers and what you aren't willing to go without in your relationship. This keeps you from getting into a relationship where the important things are missing.
It's also important to know the type of person you want to provide these things to you as well because most of the time (especially with us ladies) it's not about what you do, but it's about how it's done that matters. If you don't have an idea of who you want to date, then you'll leave yourself open to any and everyone, which is a recipe for a series of disaters just waiting to happen.
2. Take an inventory of what your last relationship taught you
Never enter a new relationship with regrets of your old one. You'll only project your fears, failures, and disappointments of the past onto your present, which will majorly effect your future. Instead, take some time to think about what your relationship taught you, because you can never regret something that you learned from. It'll almost make you grateful that you even went through it! So find the lesson in what you went through and how you would do things differently in your next relationship.
3. Take your time
After being in a relationship, especially for a matter of years, it's kind of hard to break the habits of having someone around to share your life with.
After ending a 4 year relationship, I literally started dating the very next guy that was nice to me instead of really asking myself if this was the right person. I just fell right back into my same habits from my last relationship because doing what felt familiar soothed the sting of having to re-adjust to a new normal.
Be intentional about taking time for yourself so that when you do get into a new relationship, you know it's because it's the right person and not because you just don't want to be alone.
I mentioned this as a side-bar tip in my last post, but it defintely warrants reiterating. Many people neglect the importance of inviting God into their dating life mainly because they don't want to date by His rules, but that's another topic for another day.
He's the Creator of relationships, so it's only fitting to have His guidance in this area. My own mistakes have taught me that nothing good ever results from removing God out of the equation. Ask Him to lead you in this area, giving you wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and understanding because God will never bless what He isn't a part of.
That piece of time between relationships is often over-looked and even resented, but don't make the common mistake of neglecting to use it wisely because what you do with it will directly affect the success or failure of what comes next!