Updated: Jan 10
I've always scored 50% introvert and 50% extrovert on personality tests...
MY truth is that I'm an introvert who makes myself become an extrovert when I need to be. BUT when it comes to dating, that doesn't always work. So here are some tips that have helped me become a better intro-dater!
1. Be honest.
If you’re shy, say that! Some people actually find shyness attractive and endearing. Plus, you should let them know this early on because people have a tendency to misinterpret the behaviors of an introvert. Trust me, I've gotten it all!
Bougie... Mean.... Standoffish.
People often mistake us for being anti-social when we are just observing and getting acclimated to new people and places. They may think we're mean or rude, when really we are battling a little nervousness or anxiety.
So mention this ahead of time so that when they notice certain behaviors, they'll know it's because of your introversion and not mislabel you.
2.Go to a movie for the first date.
Now for an extrovert, I would suggest the opposite: Go somewhere that will give you the chance to talk and get to know each other.
But for us intros, it takes us a lot longer to get comfortable enough around someone to be ourselves and show our true personalities. Going to a movie will allow you the time to get a feel for them without the pressure of having to fill every moment with an interesting topic to avoid awkward silence.
And then after the movie, when you go for dinner or ice cream then you’ll at least have something to talk about.
3. Plan a group date.
This may sound middle school-ish, but there’s a good reason for it!
It’s really easy for an introvert to act like a weirdo, because that’s just the effect that social situations have on us. And the worst thing you want to do while dating is not be yourself.
You don’t want someone to fall in love with your "shy self" and then be completely caught off-guard when you finally come out of your shell and unleash your personality.
Plan a group date or a small kickback (a super causal house party or get-together) with one or two of your best girlfriends and their dates. Your friends will help you to relax and have more fun, but also it’s really hard to act fake around your besties. They'll instantly give you that "stop being weird" look. And this will allow your date to see the real you.
4.Wear something FIERCE!
It’s extremely hard to have on a BADD outfit and still be shy... I've tried it. Impossible.
The right outfit can literally change the way you carry yourself: you might walk a little taller, speak a little louder, and be a little bolder.
You don’t want to channel an alter ego or anything, but definitely wear something that won’t let you be anything but confident.
5. Be prepared.
As an introvert, one of the coping mechanisms I’ve developed is being a preparer. It just helps to cut down on my anxiety and nervousness if I’m as prepared as I can be before certain situations.
So before you go on a date with someone, jot down some questions you want to ask and even some things about yourself that you want your date to know. These things can be deep, but they don’t have to be. The idea is to give you some things to talk about so that you aren’t distracted and petrified by the situation itself.
I always try to create a note of these things in my phone so that if my mind goes blank during the date, I can casually act like I’m scrolling on my phone when I’m really looking at my little date cheat sheet of questions.
So for all of my dating introverts, there's no need to miss out on dating. There's hope for us!!