Updated: Jan 10
I don't know about you... but sometimes I have these moments when I suddenly realize how single I am and I begin to freak out - my chest gets tight, my heartbeat quickens, the room gets smaller, and then here come the questions...
"Will I ever find the one??"
"Am I meant to stay single?"
"What if I'm alone forever?!"
And once the anxiety subsides, I always feel so silly. Although I look forward to getting into a relationship and eventually getting married, I love being single right now! And I never want to be one of those people who rush into marriage and then regret not taking full advantage of their single freedom.
So instead of continuing to give in to my momentary anxiety, I came up with 6 ways to keep me sane and remind me to enjoy the most powerful time of my life - my singleness.
1. Talk to a friend in a relationship/marriage
This pretty much has the same effect as babysitting someone's kid when you have baby fever. Once you're reminded of all that's involved, you give it a hug and kiss and return it back to its owner.
When done the right way, love and marriage really are all they're cracked up to be. But that doesn't negate the fact that they are WORK! It's very rewarding, but extremely sacrificial. A short, 10-minute conversation with my girlfriend about her relationship always leaves me super grateful for the simplicity of my single life, making "the wait" that much easier.
Physical activity is not only a stress-reliever, but it decreases anxiety and clears your mind, helping to divert your negative focus into a positive focus. It seems unrelated, but I've found that having a regular workout routine, even if it's 20 minutes a day, reduces the occurrence of negative thoughts and feelings in general. The less physical activity I do, the easier it is for me to get hung up on negative thoughts. The more physical activity I do, the more I feel energized and positive about myself and my life. Try it!
3. Plan an adventure
It's so easy for a single person, especially introverts like me, to get comfortable with their usual routine- go to work, get dinner, go home, watch Netflix. Same thing, every day, every week. This can put you in a rut, making you feel pessimistic about your life. During these times, it's easy to think that an exciting, new relationship is just what you need to make your life worth living. This is completely FALSE!
Instead, plan to do something new and fun! You can begin planning a trip, take a class, or start a self-challenge like trying one new restaurant every week for the rest of the year. Shake things up! Life isn't necessarily better when you have someone to share it with. You just have to be intentional with how you spend it.
4. Make a purpose move
Your single life should be so full that you don't even have the time to sit and obsess about a relationship. Your life should be completely occupied with the 'now'. There's so much to accomplish - you have a WHOLE purpose to fulfill!
When I begin to obsess about my singleness and finding the one, I run down the list of goals I have for the year. My focus immediately shifts and I end up going deep into purpose planning. I get so excited about going hard on my goals that I completely forget to freak out about still being single. This may sound harsh, but some of us don't need a relationship, we simply need to get a hobby. Live a life that's purposeful and you'll never feel like you're missing anything.
5. Pray for your future husband
Another thing that calms my anxiety about finding my future husband is praying for him. It seems like it would have the opposite effect, but when I pray for him I'm reminded of the type of man that I want to marry. It refreshes my memory that the man I desire may take some time to develop and I'm instantly comforted by the fact that God is preparing and positioning both of us right now where we are. I even find myself praying that we don't meet before our time. It's very possible to meet the right person at the wrong time and that's the last thing that I want to happen.
6. Matthew 6:33
This scripture has been my deescalation tactic for the past few months. It grounds me and brings me back to the bigger picture of it all.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously,
and all these things shall be added to you.
It reminds me that as long as I'm focused on the right things, I'll always be in the right place at the right time. I'm not missing out on anything. God knows what I need as well as what I want and I can trust Him with my desires just as much as my needs.
What about you? Do you find yourself obsessing about finding the one sometimes? If so, what do you do? Let me know!