Betrayal: Why it happens & How to handle it

Updated: Jan 10, 2020

I’m no stranger to betrayal. Have you read my ex horror story? Yeah... the fact that I’m not on death row is proof that there is a God.

If you’ve been betrayed before, then you’ve probably spend a lot of time trying to figure out why it all happened. Sometimes it’s easier to resort to “That’s just how they are.” But the first thing that needs to be understood is that people don’t betray others simply because they’re bad people. It’s never that simple.

Granted, they may truly be a bad person, but they didn’t begin life that way.

It's a tricky thing trying of make sense of why people do what they do because there are things about their lives that we may never know about. People don't wake up in the morning, stretch, and brainstorm how to ruin someone's day, even though it may seem like it.

Our actions always reflect the conditions of our hearts, so when someone betrays another it's because of the hurt and damage, and maybe even the insecurities, that are flowing from their heart. Just imagine what must have happened to make them that way.

Like it or not, we all have a responsibility to treat people in a way that will cause them to change the narrative about what they know about people and relationships so far. This is especially true if you are a Christian; our purpose is to reflect the love of Christ to everyone and no opportunity can be wasted. You can’t be out here making the Lord look bad.

However, that doesn’t mean that we have to be okay with receiving whatever mistreatment people choose to deal out either. We also shouldn’t close ourselves off from allowing others to get close to us because of what we’ve experience through betrayal.

Going through tough situations like this should, instead, work to sharpen our ability to recognize and communicate what our boundaries are. Every person is not out to get you and if you treat them like they are, then you’re no better than the person that betrayed you. Acting like that would be operating from pain and we all know that hurting people can only hurt people.

Don’t allow their damage to damage you. They treated you that way because they were anticipating hurt from you. Not necessarily because of who they believe you are personally, but simply because of what they've experienced in the past.