Updated: Jan 10, 2020
Cuffing season is well underway... which can leave us “single friends” feeling left out in the cold (get it?!) BUT! There’s benefits to being one of the “last ones left” in your group of friends, especially if you desire to have a Bae of your very own.
Most singles avoid spending too much time around dating and married couples because... frankly, it makes us uncomfortable and reminds us of what we don't have!
But there are actually benefits to spending more time with these friends that you DON'T want to miss out on!
1. They help you keep hope alive!
The best way to get motivated is to have your goal in front of you. So if your friends have successful, healthy, and loving relationships, then being around them can help you to stay hopeful about one day having your own.
The key to this though is fighting the urge to be the “typical single friend” by acting bitter, uncomfortable, or pitiful when they have sweet moments in front of you. Instead, allow it to have the opposite affect: Let it make you excited for when you find the right person to have those moments with. Use this time to get comfortable with the idea of affection in relationships because you don’t want that uncomfortable reaction to follow you into your next relationship.
2. They help you prepare
The other side of this coin is that being exposed to the challenges that come up in your friend’s relationships will not only make you more grateful for your singleness, but it will also help you develop a mental cheat-sheet (or a Word document if you’re an organized list freak like me) for how you might handle these same situations in your relationship later on. You can’t be prepared for everything that may come up in your next relationship, but this can at least give you a good head start.
3. They love playing Match-maker
Okay here’s a fun one!! People in relationships are SO GOOD at setting you up on dates! My bestie probably wants me to meet my husband more than I do, so she’s always got me in mind and isn’t shy (at all) about passing my IG profile to a single guy she thinks I might be interested in.
Some singles may find this annoying, but if you’re busy (and an introvert) like me, then it makes meeting people a lot easier. There are so many eligible singles out there; you might as well have some help!
Make sure your friends have a clear idea of what you’re looking for in a person so that they get it right when trying to fix you up. I automatically trust any guy that my bestie suggests because she’s made SURE that she knows what I’m looking for in a guy. Plus, she knows me well enough to know who I’m compatible with.
4. They have GREAT single friends!
Single people who are serious about dating and marriage stay close to dating and married couples because… well because of my very last point! They love playing match-maker. I mean, think about it: when you know a couple who has a great relationship, don’t even act like it doesn’t cross your mind to ask if one of them have any single siblings or friends. And if you haven’t, then you need to because they usually do!
5. Shifts your mindset
When you spend time with dating and married couples, the conversation is sometimes completely different than the conversations you have with your single friends. This is because your mindset has to shift to accommodate the person you choose to be in a relationship with. When you think differently, it changes your perspective in your everyday life, which is normally when you meet new people: living your everyday life.
Sometimes your views and values are apparent before you even speak and if you stay stuck in a single person’s perspective, then that may communicate (even non-verbally) that you want to remain single. A person who is serious about dating and marriage can spot this a mile away and may not even bother approaching you. You are what you think, so if you want to be married one day then take advantage of opportunities for widening your mindset.
6. Makes your dating future brighter
I mentioned this in my last blog about red flags: If you want to see your future, look at the 5 people you spend the most time with because that’s who you will turn into.
Here's a tough question: Are most of your friends relationship repellant?? It’s awesome to be "single and lovin’ it" but do they glamorize their singleness so much that it’s hard to imagine them ever dating or married in the future?
Like I said, being in a healthy relationship changes your mindset and perspective, and it doesn’t hurt for some of that to rub off on you. The “single and loving it” friends make being single the best times of your life, but it’s always nice to have a balance of friends in different stages of life; it keeps you well-rounded and it pushes you to grow and develop.
Now don’t start completely blowing off your single friends. We need to stick together! But try hanging out with your dating, engaged, or married friends a little more often if you don’t already, especially if you plan to date and eventually marry.
If you don’t yet have any friends like this, then look up some influencer couples on IG or YouTube that have the kind of relationship you admire or look forward to. It will give you hope (something to look forward to and get you excited about your own relationship) and give you some good info and insight on what changes you’ll have to make when choosing to share our life with someone. It might even show you what you don’t want in a relationship and make you appreciate your singleness more, which is great because the success of your relationship starts right here and now in your singleness.
What do you love about having friends in relationships?