Updated: Mar 8, 2019
I believe there’s an unbelievable thirst for genuine love in today’s society and it crushes my heart to think that a lot of us probably wouldn’t recognize it even if it was staring us in the face. For a very long time, my happiness and acceptance of myself depended on me being in a relationship because “if no one was willing to love me then how can I ever love myself?” Sound familiar?
What I eventually learned (after many years of heartbreak and self-discovery, whew the skruggle!) was that I was making it impossible for others to love me and ,better yet, for me to choose people for my life who were able to love me, until I first loved myself in a healthy way.
The inevitable key here is to start with you. The harsh truth is that if you don’t love you then that will be obvious to everyone around you and it’ll be difficult for them to find reasons to truly love you as well. But once you’re able to develop that love within yourself, you will be in the powerful position to bless and be blessed by others with that love!
I want to share a few pivotal things that personally helped me (and are still helping me) to develop a true love for myself and my life.
1. Whose opinions do you believe?
Aside from our own thoughts about ourselves, the whole world and everything in it has an opinion about you. And if you aren’t secure, steadfast, and completely immovable about who you are and what goodness and greatness you bring into this world, you are in danger of becoming consumed by the perceptions and beliefs of others. And this is a tormented life to live, my friend. Trust ME!
“So how do I find out what makes me good and great?”
I asked myself the same question about 7 months ago, and God finally asked, “When are you going to ask me??”
DUH! I felt so slow! Of course the One who created me would know all the greatness He created me to be! So I took to my Bible and Pinterest (lol) to find scriptures about who God says I am, and I made up in my mind that no matter how untrue I felt those things were currently, that I would meditate on them daily (and sometimes hourly) until I knew them to be true. So when the world or anything in it tried to throw their opinions at me, or when I tried to inflict my own opinion onto myself, I would quote one of God’s opinions about me to combat it (sometimes a million times in a row, whatever it takes!) and pretty soon those very things began to manifest in my life!
Click here for my list of scriptures that I used to cure my “identity confusion,” Ha! But, for real…
2. Take Responsibility for what you do not like about yourself.
Do this: Write down all the things (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) you don’t like about yourself. I know that it’ll suck to see it all written down but there’s a purpose for this, stick with me!
More than likely, the majority of the things that you don’t like are things that you can improve on by simply changing, adding, or removing some habits. So for each thing on the list that you don’t like about yourself, write something that you can do about it.
begin to eat healthier or add a fun physical activity into your week
commit to spending more time with God
take a class on something you’ve always had a passion for
learn some new skincare tips
read a book that will help you figure out your purpose
learn some new makeup tips
find better ways to dress for your body type
Trust me, for whatever issue you have YouTube and Pinterest have a solution and demonstration for you, there’s bound to be a book written about it, and you can order whatever materials you need to accomplish it on Amazon for cheap! Hallelu!
Whatever the solutions may be, prioritize them by importance to you, give them a time limit for when you want to accomplish each of them, and work on them ONE BY ONE. Keep your expectations and goals realistic so that you won’t become overwhelmed and give up. Once you master one goal, move on to the next! And there’s no rush, we have our lifetime to better ourselves.
The thing is, we can complain to our girlfriends all day errday about what we don’t like about ourselves and our lives, but like the Bible says, Faith without works is dead (James2:14-17). Words can’t make you healthy, words can’t increase your self-worth, words can’t make your Prince Charming show up at your door step. It’s time to put yourself to the test and show you what you’re made of!
3. Take a break from social media, completely!
Sometimes our discontentment and unhappiness can result from comparison to others. On social media, the majority of people only post the best (or fabricated, umm hmm) parts of themselves. You probably do it too, don’t lie (side eye). Looking at this for hours on end (which a lot of us do, let’s be honest!) can cause you to compare what you feel your worst parts are to what someone is showing as their best parts. You’re comparing your worst insides to their best outsides. Log out!!
Take a break from this and allow yourself to focus on and become confident in what makes you an original and sets you apart! And now that you aren’t spending 4 hours a day on SM you’ll have extra time to work on become your best self! Who says there’s not enough time in the day?! Pah-lease!
The fact is, we’re only able to love others with the quality to which we love God and ourselves. Imagine how important this is for us as friends, sisters, wives, and mothers! In order to give our best to those we want to love, we first need to afford that to ourselves.
And not only that, do it for YOU! Be selfish about it! You are amazing and you deserve to be loved like it!
What are some things that helped you love yourself and your life?