Does marriage make you successful? | Honest Moment!!

Updated: Jan 10, 2020

Recently, I noticed that every person that I am currently obsessed with and highly motivated by are married. Every... single... one of them.

The thing is... they were always doing what they're doing now, but I personally had no idea who they were until after they were married. Funny, huh?

There are times (pretty much everyday) when I wonder if I'm even making any progress. But it seems like when a person gets married, they just shoot off like a rocket right into purpose achievement and success!

But as a single woman, starving to live purposefully and make a mark on the world (at least part of it)…

I couldn’t help but ask the question *Carrie Bradshaw voice*…

even though it went against everything I constantly preach to others…

“Is my purpose only powerful in marriage?”

And if so, then what does that mean for me right now?!

Honestly it’s hard to resist entertaining the thought of "should I even bother?" I mean, just putting together a blog post and video is a full week-long process, not to mention all of the other goals I pour myself into achieving every week while trying to build my own business and help 2 other companies build theirs as well.... and for what??

I literally texted my web designer and asked her to remove the setting that shows how many people actually read each of my blog posts. Yes, I can see you. (Shout out to my faithful viewers, I live for yall!!)

It’s great info to know from an analytical standpoint, but in the spirit of continuing to do what I truly believe God is leading me to do, it was messing with me.

“What's it all for God? Do I have to wait to be married to experience success? For my work to pay off? To see the fruit of my labor?”

After hearing only silence, I decided to clarify to the Lord that these are REAL questions that I'm expecting answers to right now in this very moment (respectfully, of course).

And then I realized… I'm doing it.

The very thing I’m always adamant to warn others against: I'm rushing to "there," a fantasy of our imagination that doesn't even exist. The place that we all love to dream about where we can kick our feet up, lean back, and say “I made it.”

Once I realized this, I had to ask myself “the question” again. Uggghhh, the question.

The one that I only ask when I become restless and worried about the wrong things, putting me into a whiny “what about me” mood:

“After working hard, losing sleep, and perfecting everything I produce, if I make an impression on absolutely no one, would it be enough for me knowing that I'm pleasing God?”

After all, that's my main objective right? The reason for it all? Or at least that's what I say. Now I was having to challenge myself with whether or not I was actually living that out.

It always seemed to me like some people would just "make it" on accident.

“Well you don’t know what it took for them to get to where they are.”

Yeah, I get that too. But the truth is that sometimes, it IS an effortless process for some people. And here's why: when you stop trying to make it all happen and just release what God's put on the inside of you, the raw realness of it can't help but to draw attention.

We know when someone is trying to sell us on something. We know when someone is just doing something for likes or attention or money and we reject it. But realness is almost impossible to reject. People may not like you, but they’ll respect the fact that you’re real.

So what I was missing here wasn’t marriage, but freedom. To just BE and DO whatever is already inside of me. Not for the approval of others and not to get people to support the work that I do, but because that's what I'm made of.

Marriage multiplies what you bring into it. If the people I follow and look up to weren’t already working to accomplish some level of purpose and success before their marriage, then I probably still wouldn’t know who they are.

If you’re waiting for a spouse to make an impact, then you never will, because your procrastination and excuses to do so will only be multiplied in your marriage.

The increased success of my mentors didn’t happen because they got married, but because they married the right purpose partner, which multiplied their ability to operate in purpose, causing more of an effective impact. Wala!

So, I’m giving myself a pass, promising not to beat myself up for blaming the rate of my success on something I felt I was lacking. I know God better than that; if I needed a husband to accomplish the purpose of my current season then He would make sure that my husband was here.

So from now until then, I’ll continue to do the things that I want multiplied later when the time is right.

What about you? Are these some things you feel and think about sometimes as well? Don’t leave me hanging! Let’s chat about it.

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