My Recovery Story: Part 1, Realizing I had a Drinking Problem

WHEW! This ain't easy! Which is why it's a 2-parter.

I tried to revert back to a relationship topic when God put this on my heart, but I would rather tell my own story than have the devil blackmail me with it. So here it goes...

Towards the very end of 2016, I realized I was pretty much an alcoholic. The thing is, I would have never seen it if I didn't choose to.

I wasn't a junkie, which is probably why it was so hard to notice. (Lol, but seriously.) I was still functioning at a very high level, mentally and physically, but it was my spiritual and emotional health that took the hardest hit. These things I could play off in front of my family, friends, and coworkers, so it was nearly impossible for them to even catch the signs in order to help me.

There was one event that caused me to want to see my dysfunction: a break-up. I broke up with a boyfriend I was "shacking up" with after about 3 years of dating and moved back to my home state. Getting some distance between us made so many things SO clear that were completely hidden when we were together, not just about our relationship, but about me as a person.

Before breaking up with him, I remember sitting in the apartment we were living in and God spoke to me right were I was so clearly saying, "If you stay in the relationship, you'll be committing suicide 2 months from now." And now I was beginning to see why. It wasn't just about the relationship, but all of the things I was blind to while in it.

So I asked God to make me over, start from scratch if He had to, I just needed to be better. I became overwhelmingly aware that Jesus thought I was worth dying for and here I am choosing to slowly kill myself.

Well... make me over He did. And my drinking problem was just ONE of the issues that needed to be tackled. Here are some signs that made my alcoholism clear to me:

1. I worshiped it.

It didn’t matter how horrible my day was, I would think of the chilled wine and whiskey bottles in my fridge and took comfort in knowing that I could drink it off at the end of the day. I thought that if I could just make it to those bottles, then everything would be okay. It literally was my motivation to perform well in my daily obligations. I ended up making it my idol; the role that alcohol was playing in my life should have been reserved for God, and God only.