Post Break-Up Tips: 3 Answers to "What Now"

Let’s begin with a story shall we?? A true one…

Once upon a time, there was an amazing, brave young lady who reached out to me on social media for a one-on-one session. She, like many others, was experiencing heartbreak after her long-term boyfriend dumped her to date someone else. She was entertaining suicidal thoughts and desperately needed answers to the questions, “What do I do now? How do I keep from constantly thinking about it? How can I move on from this?”

I began to explain to this young lady that about 5 years ago, I felt exactly the way that she did. A guy that I had been on-again off-again with for almost 5 years asked me to move across the country for him, pending a marriage proposal. But not long after I moved there (and was inquiring about my RING!), he not only denied ever proposing to me, but he denied that we were in a relationship at all whatsoever! (As if I just wanted to move across the entire country, away from my family and friends, to a city that I never wanted to live in just for the thrill of it.)

Yeah… so that pain….I felt it.

Those thoughts…I had them.

The questions… I asked them.

But at the time, I didn’t believe that there was anyone who could even begin to understand what I was going through. I was grateful to have friends and family support, but I still felt like this was something I was going to have to figure out all on my own. But now…you don’t have to!! I’ve put together 3 post-breakup/heartbreak tips that I wish I didn’t have to learn the hard way.

Now this first one is a little unorthodox… brace yourself!

1. Party of 1

I’m going to tell you something that will probably make your support system very, very nervous (they worry about you, ya know)… Be alone.

Attention: If you are completely unable to envision a thriving life in your future after your break up, it is imperative that you seek help, especially if you experience suicidal thoughts or fantasies. In this case, spend as much time with others as possible until you are able to visualize and grow hopeful about your future.

Psychologist moment… Ok proceed.

Take some time to adjust to spending more time alone. When we are in relationships, we get so used to having another person around. But after a break-up, we find ourselves with all this extra time: it feels very foreign, especially if the relationship lasted for a matter of years.

The mistake that I made after my break-ups was trying to fill the extra time with people and noise to keep my mind off of the pain. But that led me to act out my pain through:

  • unhealthy habits (drinking too much, eating my feelings, sleeping all day)