Updated: Jan 10
Having a hard time trying to figure out if you're dating "the one?" Or maybe you aren't dating just yet, but you want to make sure that when you do, you waste as little time as possible. Maybe you've been in a committed relationship for a while now, but you're at the infamous "marriage or break-up" crossroads.
Well shout-out to the Bible because (if you read it) it makes red flags and the wrong relationship so easy to notice!
Here are some red flags to look for according to the scripture:
1. Psalm 26:4-5
I do not sit with the deceitful, nor do I associate with hypocrites. I abhor the assembly of evildoers and refuse to sit with the wicked.
If they treat people like crap...
This is a whole character issue. Pay attention to how they treat others because you could be next. Refuse to date or even be friends with people who are manipulative, drama-filled, mean, condescending, and expect treatment from others that they aren’t willing to extend.
2. Proverbs 27: 5-6
Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
If they are unconcerned with your growth...
A person who truly cares for you will risk hurting your feelings to tell you the truth and help you to grow, but if your boo or friend isn’t invested in your growth, they may only tell you what you want to hear and stroke your ego which may be a cover-up for their deceit towards you. That may sound harsh, but you have to be wary of those "me too"people who agree with everything you say and tell you that you look cute even though your panty line is jacked up and the cut of your dress makes you look double the size. Sometimes, sabotage can be covered in honey. And don;t be fooled, men are capable of it too. Never date someone who' afraid for you to outshine them.
3. Proverbs 27:10
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
If you don’t learn from them and they won’t learn from you...
Your significant other should make you a better person. And you should be able help them grow as well. I was once in a relationship where I was always the one that “had a lesson to learn.” It made me feel like I was a bad person, that was always doing something wrong, and that I had nothing to offer.
The truth is that the person I was dating had PAH-LENTY of growing to do, but he never allowed me to help them do that. He was prideful and arrogant and only felt good about himself when he was pointing out my failures, but covered it up as him “helping me” to grow. The thing is... you can only help someone else grow to the extent to which you are willing to grow yourself. It should never be all one way or the other, but a give and take between the two.
3. Amos 3:3
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
If your morals and values conflict...
People say opposites attract, and to some extent, I agree. However, you and your significant other should always see eye to eye on important things like the kind of behaviors and beliefs that you think is and isn’t acceptable. This is where communication is important. You have to be able to talk about topics like family, money, sex, ect. The people that avoid this are the ones that find out too late that the person they fell in love with has a completely different set of beliefs than them. And many times, in these situations, love isn’t enough to make up for that.
4. Psalm 1:1
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful
If they have fools for friends...
If you want to know what your date's future looks like, just look at who their friends are. We become the 5 people we spend the most time with so it’s very important that you meet the closest friends of the person you’re dating because this is going to be the “counsel” that they will seek advice and direction from. Even if your boo is the “mature” one of the bunch, it’s still something within them that chooses to continue to spend time in the presence of people who aren’t a positive influence on them. When you are truly focused on your goals and growing, you don’t want to spend time with people who aren’t doing the same.
6. 1 John 4:20
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
If their “love" for God doesn’t keep them from being hateful towards you and others...
If you truly have the love of God, you can’t help but desire to walk in love with others, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. If your boo is more than willing to receive the benefits of God’s love, but won’t extend that to others, then that’s a major red flag. If they have a tendency to lash out and "lose their religion" easily then you might have to question whether they are able to love you unconditionally when things get hard, inconvenient, and ugly in the relationship, because trust me, at some point, it will.
7. 2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
If they aren’t saved...
This might be the last point, but it’s DEFINITELY the most important. None of the previous points even matter if you’re saved and they aren’t. Now don’t get me wrong, I have heard of people who ended up helping the person they were dating to get saved, but I wouldn’t bet on that if I were you. It’s pretty much the exception and not the rule. Dating someone who isn’t saved is dangerous, because when you join together with someone, you end up serving the God (or god) that they serve. And make no mistake about it, we all serve something. If it’s not God, then it may be money, beauty, sex, or even your significant other! And you never want to be in danger of taking God’s place in someone else’s life.
What are some red flags that always let you know someone isn't the one for you?