Updated: Mar 7, 2019
One clichéd phrase that I absolutely despise is “Nice guys finish last.” I don’t know who coined it, but I would like to trip them, making them fall down, and kindly help them back up… (that’s right… SAVAGE!)
Nice guys don’t finish last because they’re nice, but simply because they aren’t “the one.”
But it’s also true that a lot of times we as women go through a lot of hurt in relationships and when a nice guy comes along we may pressure ourselves a little more to make it work with them even if there are obvious signs that they may not be the one.
And to our own fault, it might take us longer than it should to break it off with them because we don’t want to be the person to break a nice guys heart, and we also don’t want to hurt them like we were probably hurt by the person before them.
This may lead us to overlook certain things under the justification that what we can have with them can still be better than what the alternatives could be.
But faking it in relationships can only last so long, so eventually we end it, which usually catches the nice guy off-guard because they’ve fallen for the act we tried to get ourselves to believe: that we are actually happy.
And we probably are happy, but just not as happy as we could be by dating the person that we’re supposed to be with.
To be honest the very thing same thing happens to us as women and I never recall anyone ever saying “nice girls finish last.” But for a man, it’s a much bigger deal because rejection is harder for men to bounce back from.
The biology of a woman makes us more resilient in relationships: typically, we are always willing to risk it all for love, even if we’ve experienced heartbreak before. But many men don’t fully bounce back from broken hearts. And if they do, it can drastically change them and how they operate in their next relationships.
Not to say movies are always accurate in their depiction of real relationships, but most people have seen Hitch. He got his heartbroken and created an entire business to keep that from happening to other guys like him.
Or what about the movie Just Go With It, Adam Sandler played a man whose heart was broken on his wedding day, so he used a fake marriage to get sympathy from other women just to sleep with them without putting himself at risk to be hurt again.
On the other hand, when a woman gets her heartbroken, it may take her a while to get healed from it, and she may even mistakenly make the next guy pay for the screw-ups of the last, but she will rarely completely take marriage, commitment, and her “happily ever after” off of the table.
Another reason why nice guys get the short end of the stick is that a lot of times women choose to go for the nice guys right after dating a bad one.
When you are hurt and damaged it’s almost impossible not to hurt and damaged the next person that you date if you don’t properly heal from it. So although the nice guy is what we want, sometimes we don’t really know how to love him correctly. We either end up hurting him or we break up with him for fear that we will.
Here’s my advice to all of the “nice guys”:
When dating someone, there is one phrase that we women use that should be a major red flag. I’ve used it before not even knowing what I truly meant, but every time I said it, it was an indication that I wasn’t ready or able to treat a guy the way he needed to be treated…
“I don’t deserve you.”
It actually sounds like a flattering statement, but it’s usually best to take it literally. We have to pay more attention to the words that we say because they sometimes hold a truth about us that’s deeper than we are even aware of.
I said this to the last “nice guy” I dated and although I meant it as a compliment, he immediately deflated after I said it. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that every girl that has said that to him had broken up with him soon after.
When someone says they don’t deserve you, they are essentially admitting that they either feel like they deserve better or worse than you.
In either case, they aren’t equipped to treat you like someone who actually does deserve you would be able to. This will results in hurt, heartbreak, and a failed relationship pretty much every time.
Another tip is to ask about her last relationship. Don’t be shy!! Get all up in the business!! This is something you need to know in order to protect your heart and time.
How long were they together? How and why did it end? Do they still keep in contact? Who ended it?
If she gets highly emotional about it (angry, sad, confused, discouraged) or avoids it altogether then she may not be healed from it enough to begin a new relationship just yet.
I always say that there is no such thing as “out of the blue” and “all of a sudden” in relationships. So don’t get so comfortable behind your rose colored glasses that you don’t look and listen for the signs that a person may not be for you. Because ignoring these things can keep you from seeing that a heartbreak may be on the way.