The Do's and Don'ts of Having an Adult Crush

Adult crushes are REAL! And they are WAY more serious than a school-kid crush. Best case scenario: an adult crush can actually turn into marriage… Worse case scenario: it could turn into someone vowing to be alone forever. After experiencing an adult crush of my own recently, I took note of a few do’s and don’ts of having an adult crush!

Let’s start with the…


1. Don’t go to Future Fantasyland

Stay in the present reality. This is especially for us ladies; we have the ability to mentally plan and visualize an entire future just in the time it takes a guy to walk over and say hello.

Don’t go way into the future of you telling the story of how y’all met after 20 years of marriage when he may not even know that you exist or hasn’t even shown interest in you. If we actually get to have an encounter with our crush and we’ve been residing in Future Fantasyland, it’s going to be completely obvious! You will interact with them as if you’ve been married to them for 10 years because you have been… in your crazy little mind. Everything you do and say will seem like you’re rushing to the altar when you don’t really even know this person. Keep your mind in the present.

2. Don’t over-estimate their liking for you

Just because you think the world of them does not mean that they feel the same about you. Again, doing this will affect how you interact with them if you actually get the chance to do so. You will say and do things that assume that they like you as much as you like them and this can be the quickest way to get your feelings hurt.

Now, the person does need to know that you exist if you are going to have any chance with them, but there’s a difference in presenting yourself to them and trying to get their attention. It’s okay to make yourself seen. God presented Eve to Adam, but God also let him decide if he was interested in her(Genesis 2:22-23). What you don’t want to do is try to win their interest. Let them decided if they are interested after you present yourself to them.

You can do this by simply saying hello and asking how they are doing as you walk by them (smile but not too wide and hold eye contact but not for too long) or follow them on social media and like and comment on a few posts (only the ones you genuinely like, not too many, and don’t use emoji comments! Those can get thotty). And if they don’t eventually reciprocate interest, then you can only conclude that they aren’t interested.

3. Don’t forget to give credit where credit is due

Nobody is self-made. Anything good that we are able to do or be is because God is blessing us and allowing it (James 1:17). Remove the focus off of your crush onto who God has allowed them to become. God even orchestrates our Glow-ups! *Praise break for the glow-up*

When I see an attractive man or catch myself feeling someone a little more than usual, I always thank God for the parts of them that I’m admiring. It sounds crazy, I know… to see a fine man walk by and whisper, “Thank ya Jesus! You KNOW you did well with that one!” But I literally do! They didn’t create themselves. And I find that doing this keeps me from putting them up on a pedestal and lusting after them. I’m a very visually imaginative person, so I have to intercept whatever ungodly thoughts might try to arise. The Bible says that thinking about it is the same as doing it (Matthew 5:28, 1 John 2:16) and I’m not getting punished for thinking about acts that I won’t even get to enjoy doing. Just being real!