Adult crushes are REAL! And they are WAY more serious than a school-kid crush. Best case scenario: an adult crush can actually turn into marriage… Worse case scenario: it could turn into someone vowing to be alone forever. After experiencing an adult crush of my own recently, I took note of a few do’s and don’ts of having an adult crush!
Let’s start with the…
1. Don’t go to Future Fantasyland
Stay in the present reality. This is especially for us ladies; we have the ability to mentally plan and visualize an entire future just in the time it takes a guy to walk over and say hello.
Don’t go way into the future of you telling the story of how y’all met after 20 years of marriage when he may not even know that you exist or hasn’t even shown interest in you. If we actually get to have an encounter with our crush and we’ve been residing in Future Fantasyland, it’s going to be completely obvious! You will interact with them as if you’ve been married to them for 10 years because you have been… in your crazy little mind. Everything you do and say will seem like you’re rushing to the altar when you don’t really even know this person. Keep your mind in the present.
2. Don’t over-estimate their liking for you
Just because you think the world of them does not mean that they feel the same about you. Again, doing this will affect how you interact with them if you actually get the chance to do so. You will say and do things that assume that they like you as much as you like them and this can be the quickest way to get your feelings hurt.
Now, the person does need to know that you exist if you are going to have any chance with them, but there’s a difference in presenting yourself to them and trying to get their attention. It’s okay to make yourself seen. God presented Eve to Adam, but God also let him decide if he was interested in her(Genesis 2:22-23). What you don’t want to do is try to win their interest. Let them decided if they are interested after you present yourself to them.
You can do this by simply saying hello and asking how they are doing as you walk by them (smile but not too wide and hold eye contact but not for too long) or follow them on social media and like and comment on a few posts (only the ones you genuinely like, not too many, and don’t use emoji comments! Those can get thotty). And if they don’t eventually reciprocate interest, then you can only conclude that they aren’t interested.
3. Don’t forget to give credit where credit is due
Nobody is self-made. Anything good that we are able to do or be is because God is blessing us and allowing it (James 1:17). Remove the focus off of your crush onto who God has allowed them to become. God even orchestrates our Glow-ups! *Praise break for the glow-up*
When I see an attractive man or catch myself feeling someone a little more than usual, I always thank God for the parts of them that I’m admiring. It sounds crazy, I know… to see a fine man walk by and whisper, “Thank ya Jesus! You KNOW you did well with that one!” But I literally do! They didn’t create themselves. And I find that doing this keeps me from putting them up on a pedestal and lusting after them. I’m a very visually imaginative person, so I have to intercept whatever ungodly thoughts might try to arise. The Bible says that thinking about it is the same as doing it (Matthew 5:28, 1 John 2:16) and I’m not getting punished for thinking about acts that I won’t even get to enjoy doing. Just being real!
Let’s move on to the:
1. Get to know more about them
Most of us don’t really have a crush on the person, per se, but who we believe or assume they are. The more I learn about the person I’m crushing on, the clearer I become on whether or not I really like them. I think we’ve all had the experience of finding out that one thing about our crush that makes us say, “Okay… I don’t like you anymore. Next!” Learning more about them will help you decide whether you like who they actually are or who you think they are.
2. Find a Crush Accountability friend
This is SOOOO important! I posted about this here and even did a demonstration of it in REAL TIME here. When we have a crush on someone, I think it’s safe to say that we temporarily lose a piece of our minds. Infatuation certainly does have an effect on our ability to think soberly. Everyone should have at least one good friend that they can appoint as their crush accountability friend. But you can’t just choose any friend as your Crush Accountability. This person should:
know you very well
be honest at all costs
have a healthy view of relationships
genuinely want to see you happy with the right person
It pays to get the sound, wise counsel of someone who is “sober” and unbiased to point out red flags and whether or not your crush may be a good fit for you.
3. Separate what you like about them from them
Just in case this person isn’t destined to be your husband/wife (I know that’s hard to imagine when you have a mental shrine erected in their honor), focus on taking an inventory of the reasons that attract you to them instead of the fact that they possess them.
Sometimes we can get so stuck on the person and our liking for them that we forget that other people in the world have those same qualities that may be… Oh I don’t know… right in front of our faces. Perhaps they have been exiled to the friend zone for the past few years (just guessing…) You need to be able to notice and value these things in everyone that has them, not just this one person. The world is a big place and there’s billions of people in it, so don’t be so focused on one person (who may or may not even know that you exist) that you narrow all of your options down to one.
4. Share your desires with God
I mean, He’s the One that’s going to bring you and your future Bae together anyway so you might as well put some of your desires into His suggestion box. The Word says, “you have not because you ask not” (James 4:2) so never miss a chance to let God know about the different qualities and abilities you would like your future spouse to possess. It’s okay to see something you like in a person and say, “God, I wouldn’t mind having that in my life!” I’m not saying you need to go and write all these things down in a list or anything, but simply just share your heart with God by saying, “This isn’t a deal-breaker, but it sure would be nice.” God takes into consideration even the smallest desires we have. But let Him ultimately decide what’s best for you.
If you’re super grown and you find yourself crushing on someone, please know that it’s completely typical, healthy even! Pay attention to what it’s telling you about what your desires may be for your relationship and future spouse. You can learn a lot about who you have a crush on!