Here’s the thing...
no matter who is right or wrong, nobody wins in an argument if it makes the situation worse than before it began.
If you want to win an argument make sure that:
1. all feelings are addressed
2. all questions are answered
3. the people involved are closer to and more understanding of each other when all is said and done.
Now let's get into these tips!
1. Come to them FIRST!
The first person that you should confide in about your relationship is the person you're in a relationship with.
Do not go from friend to friend and, God-forbid, social media talking about your relationship problems. Nobody knows the ins and outs of your relationship better than the ones who are in it. And how foolish would you look after talking about how bad things are, only to be hugged up with them on Instagram the next day when the issue is resolved.
Not to mention, going to them first just shows respect for them and your relationship. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a messy person.
2. Listen to understand, not to respond.
It’s easy to think about the next thing you’re going to say when someone is speaking, but in doing that you, miss the majority of what they are saying.
I hate repeating myself; it makes me angry and frustrated. And that’s exactly what you have to do when the response you get has nothing to do with what you just said.
You should always go into a discussion with the intent to understand the view of the other person because you’re already an expert on yours. And when you offer them that respect and consideration, you’ll get that in return. If both of you are only trying to explain your side then you’ll end up talking in circles, having to repeat yourself, and nothing gets accomplished or resolved.
3. Be a straight- shooter.
This is not the time to beat around the bush. I believe the quickest way to insult someone is to be passive aggressive when you have the opportunity to be completely open and honest.
I’m not shy about the fact that I require straight up honesty from my relationships. If you can’t do that, then there’s no reason for you to even weigh in on an argument because the root issue of it all will be completely hidden by either timidity or pettiness.
4. Be humble, because you might be wrong
I can’t be the only one that’s put my foot in my mouth during an argument before. Come into the argument with the idea that you could possibly be wrong or misunderstanding some things.
Don’t let your assumptions and suspicions get the best of you before you find out the facts because they have the power to ruin your relationship.
5. Don’t bring up old stuff.
Stick to the topic at hand and leave the past in the past. Digging up things that were already laid to rest will only keep you in a cycle of unresolved issues.
If you have to resort to bringing up things of the past, then it’s probably because you aren’t confident in your present argument or because some part of you knows you’re in the wrong.
6. Don’t yell or cuss.
If you can’t get your point across without acting crazy then that’s another sign that you might be in the wrong. People often use overreactions to make you think they are telling the truth or that they know what they are talking about. But if you’re confident in your truth, then you can tell it calmly even if no one understands it.
7. Be prepared.
Make a list so that you cover everything that you need to stay.
In the heat of a discussion, it's easy to lose your train of thought of forget to mention something you really wanted to say. There’s nothing worse than thinking of a bunch of things after the conversation is already over.
You want to leave the conversation with clarity, feeling like a weight has been lifted. You should never leave a conversation with more questions than you go into it with. So make sure that you leave nothing unsaid.
What things help you to communicate better? Let me know!