Updated: Jan 10, 2020
I was recently asked by one of my Instagram followers about the best ways to prepare for a relationship, and although I feel that all of my blogs and videos address this question in one way or another, I decided to answer it directly.
So after thinking back on the things that have helped me the most, I came up with these top 3 ways to prepare for a relationship while you’re still single.
1. Know Yourself
You’re probably thinking, “Really… I’ve known me all of my life!”
But this is actually one of the most necessary, yet most avoided, ways to prepare for a relationship. If you want a truly successful relationship, there’s no way around putting in the work to really know yourself... there just isn’t.
And make no mistake about the fact that it DOES take work! But that’s what makes it the perfect way to prepare because relationships take work!
A dangerous thing about dating before knowing who you are is that you will end up blindly believing, and even depending, on the opinion of who you’re dating to define you without even realizing it. They could say you’re a horrible person and you’ll end up believing it just because you didn’t take the time to find out the things that make you a good person. But when you already know your identity, you’re able to be fully open and honest about who you are and all that you come with (because we ALL come with a little baggage.)
Learn as much as you can about yourself now while you’re single because the last thing you want to happen is to finally find someone who could be “the one” only for your skeletons and repressed traumas to chase them away. This isn’t always a pretty process, so I suggest dealing with those things while you don’t have an audience.
Check out my YouTube video to find out some practical ways to get to know yourself better!
2. Love Yourself
When you begin learning yourself, you won’t always like what you find out. So then you are faced with the challenge of getting to a place where you can still love yourself in spite of all of those things.
You can always tell when a person doesn’t really love themselves by the way they treat other people. People who haven’t mastered self-love tend to point out mistakes and flaws of others and are often condescending, overly critical, and have a “get over it” attitude when others seems to be struggling in some way. People like this are often those who need love the most, but they usually don’t get it because their inability to love themselves makes them “unlovable” to others.
So what does loving yourself look like?
-being patient and giving yourself permission to learn from your mistakes and be imperfect
-believing more in your good qualities than your not-so-good ones
-emphasizing your wins over your failures
-being willing to see the beauty in your flaws, knowing that they make you the beautiful mess that you are
-refusing to spend time, resources, or energy on activities, habits, people, or environments that don’t respect you or add value to your life. Believe it or not, some of the very activities we “enjoy” doing are actually forms of self-destruction, which demonstrate the lack of love we have for ourselves.
I’m just guessing here... but I don’t believe your Dream Bae desires a self-destructive significant other.
My suggestion is to start with God. There was a point in my life when I had no clue who I was, so I began praying and spending time with Him, looking up scriptures about how and why He loves me. The time I spent intentionally seeking to understand His love made it impossible for me not to love myself. And now I can confidently say that I’m able to offer that love to others, whoever it might be! Family, friends, strangers, and eventually, my husband.
3. Chasing Your Purpose
This is a pretty big concept to grasp, so let’s break it down, shall we?
You and your future spouse were created to be Purpose Partners - God created both you and the person He has in mind for you with purposes that are so ingrained in you that it’s the very essence of who you are, both as individuals and as a couple.
I often say that purpose is a magnet that brings The One right to you.
Your purpose will not only “train” you for your relationship with this person, but it will actually be the thing that causes them to notice and be attracted to you! When you use your singleness to discover, pursue, and walk in your purpose, chance are you won’t have to worry about missing out on The One because your purpose will lead you right to each other!
Purpose has a “process of elimination” effect on the dating game. When you have a clear idea of your purpose, how you are called to accomplish it, and have a plan for your life with your purpose in mind, then there’s very little confusion that happens when trying to decide whether or not you should allow or invite someone into your life. You’ll be able to understand that every person you add to your circle will either bring you closer to achieving that purpose or take you farther away from it. Being “purpose-focused” will keep you from choosing a “counterfeit” because the puzzle pieces simply won’t fit.
To gain an understanding of what your purpose, calling, and gifts are enter your email to receive a free download of the Purpose Discover workbook!
The mistake that many people make while single is concentrating all of their efforts on the external aspects of finding a relationship - making ourselves available and attractive, going on lots of dates, checking the boxes. But all of this distracts us from working on what really matters in our relationships- US!
What are some things you’re doing in your singleness to prepare for your relationship?
Let’s talk about it!