Updated: Mar 27
Besides the obvious lying, cheating, and betrayal, there are common things that people often do when it comes to relationships that are complete no-nos.
The problem is... very people know about these things so we continue to taint our perfectly good relationships with them. Until today...
I'm going to share 7 of the biggest relationship mistakes that you need to avoid at all costs!
These things are very important for you to know before your relationship starts, but if you're already in a relationship, late is better than never.
1. Rebounding / not being single long enough
This is not only the number 1 WORST mistake to make in a relationship, but it's often a reason that some people have horrible experiences with love and give up on it altogether.
You have to give yourself time between relationships. It's so easy to want to hop back into another relationship because:
- it makes your break-up hurt less
- the feeling of being with someone is comforting and familiar, especially if your last relationship was a long-term one.
- it distracts you from having to deal with yourself and your own issues, which can be pretty scary and extremely tough
But the danger with rebounding is that we often make that person pay for the mistakes of our last relationship because we haven't spent enough time reflecting on what went wrong, what we need to do differently, and updating who we are now that things have changed.
Every relationship - no matter how brief - changes what we know about relationships and love as a whole. And if we don't take an inventory of what we've learned from our past relationships, whether it's positive or negative, then we may begin to unknowingly operate from premises and perspectives that no longer apply.
2. Talking about your relationship with others too much
First off, nobody wants to constantly talk about your boyfriend or husband with you. And your boyfriend or husband doesn't constantly want you to tell everyone about your business. And trust me, they know when you do it.
It's a huge no-no to discuss your relationship problems with your girls before you hash things out with your man first. It causes a major break in trust which can sometimes be almost impossible to come back from.
You should always be a safe space for the person you love. But if they believe that you share more about the relationship with your girls than with him or that his secret thoughts and feelings will be put on display at the girls' night dinner, then you will immediately become the enemy he has to protect himself against.
3. Avoiding "marriage talk"
If marriage is something you want, you should make that known right out the gate. Avoiding that conversation or resorting to throwing hints and trying to pick up on passive clues will only muddy the waters. And the worst thing you can have in your relationship is confusion.
Later on down the line, if you find out that you're on different pages when it comes to marriage you may be reluctant to let him go because you're already attached. And let's be clear, whether or not someone wants to get married is a HUGE deal-breaker! That's not something you should force yourself to be okay with just because you like, or even love someone.
If making your intentions about marriage known makes the other person uncomfortable, then maybe they aren't on the same level as you are when it comes to dating with a purpose in mind. In that case, don't spend any more time getting to know someone who is on a different page.
4. Not consulting God
Many of us fail to invite God into our dating lives until we're either on the verge of a terrible break-up or standing at the altar with cold feet. It's a little too late at that point, don't you think?
If we submit our dating lives and future relationship to God while we're still single, then He can direct us and guide us in the right way from the beginning. Don't ask God to bless your relationship if you didn't ask His advice when choosing it. But again, late is always better than never.
Ask God to give you a revelation of who you are and what purpose He wants you to serve so that you have a good understanding of the type of person who can not only handle your purpose but help you achieve it.
Ask Him to give you clear discernment to know the difference between the right and wrong person for you. Make sure that God is a part of your entire dating process from the introduction all the way through your marriage, or even the break-up if it comes to that.
Mark 10:9 says, "What GOD has joined together, let no man put usunder." Before you choose someone to date, choose God's will for your relationship.
5. Going with the flow
A lasting, healthy relationship is not something that people accidentally stumble upon.
It's a very intentional decision and process. Most singles swoon over happily married couples but they rarely seek the story behind how it all came about.
The worst thing you can do when it comes to love and relationships is "go with the flow" because "the flow" can take you anywhere, even to places you never wanted to be.
It is possible to be in love with the wrong person, so you need to be intentional about dating with a specific purpose in mind. Know the type of relationship you want and the type of person you need.
This will help you to better choose the right person instead of opening yourself up to just any and everyone. Yes, the dates might be fewer and farther between, but they will also be more closely related to what you actually want instead of going on 5 dates a week with nothing real to show for it.
6. Having the expectation that a person will change to make you happy
Another one of the WORST things we often do in relationships is going into it with a list of things that the other person needs to change in order to make themselves "perfect" for us.
I hate to say it, but women have a bad habit of doing this. We can easily pinpoint areas of improvement and mentally tailor someone to the exact specifications of our own personal liking.
When you are choosing to be with someone, you should ask yourself this question:
If he never changed a thing and stayed the exact same way for the rest of his life, would I still love him wholeheartedly?
In a relationship, you have to balance the possibility that they will never change with your desire to challenge them to become their best self.
There's a difference between compromise and sacrifice. Even the most perfect person for you will only be 80% of everything you want, but you shouldn't have to sacrifice any of the non-negotiable qualities you need in a person.
You will be expected to meet in the middle on some things, but it's up to you to decide what things you aren't willing to budge on. Knowing this ahead of time is ideal because we can often get swept up in the romance of finding new love and assume that we'll be okay without 1 or 2 of the things we always said we wanted.
But once the newness of the relationship wears off, you'll begin to become hyperfocused on those things you initially thought you would be fine without. This causes resentment, which can be a cancer to a relationship, eating away at the good parts until what you're unsatisfied with is all that's left.
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