Updated: Jan 10
Is there a shortage of good men? And if not, then where the heck are they?!
I hear this question all of the time and it really makes me cringe because it shows that we are still largely unaware of how to position ourselves to receive the man or woman that God has in mind for us. It also shows our lack of patience and confidence in the process necessary to eventually experience the love lives we dream of.
Men are actually seeking good women. Most of the DM's and emails of relationship questions that I get are from men- and when I say most of them, I mean roughly about 85% of them.
Can you guess what they ask me…. “Where are all of the good women??”
It’s comical, really. We’re all in search of each other, but can’t seem to land on the same planet long enough to make any real connections.
So here are 6 of my responses to the age old question: “Where are all of the good men?”
1. As long as we are dating in the will of God, there will never be a shortage of men or women because everyone will be in their proper places - you won't have to worry about your future husband falling for a “counterfeit” that looks the part, but doesn’t mean him well. This is why it’s necessary to pray over our future spouses now. Pray that they are properly positioned, moving in purpose and discernment during their single season so that you won't miss the opportunity to cross paths.
2. Good men have a tendency to get overlooked.
They are actually everywhere you go, but you might not notice them right away because they will always observe you before they approach you. It’s very possible to gauge what type of person you are simply by the way you carry yourself and interact with those around you. Because of this, it’s important for us to make a habit of living a lifestyle that’s congruent with our morals, standards, and values. Even an uninterested stranger can pick up on these nonverbal cues so you better believe that good men can notice it almost immediately. Make sure that how you would describe yourself matches what you are portraying at any given moment.
3. A lot of us just don't know a good man when we see one.
Your perspective has a lot to do with them being visible to you because you can only see the world through the thoughts and preconceived notions that you already have. Couple that with our current "casual dating" culture and the smoke screens can become unbearably thick.
Now let's be real: Some women are so quick to test out the package that men don’t even get a chance to be a gentleman sometimes. Then, later on when you realize he isn't the one for you or that y'all don't even halfway like each other, then he’s the one who seems like a “dog” because he's already had you when really he was just catching what you were willing to throw at him.
Women hold a lot more power in relationships than we realize. We might have to submit to our husbands once were married, but we are the ones who direct the whole relationship up until that point. Nothing happens unless we approve, endorse, or allow it. (As far as consensuality goes, I understand that there are some outlying experiences, but that's not what we're talking about right now.)
4. Another issue is that we’re looking in the wrong places.
We can’t put on these tiny outfits and go out to bars and clubs, expecting to find a good, godly man. Chances are- they ain't there! And if they are then they aren't looking for a good wholesome, wife-material woman at that time.
You also have to be careful about what you're looking at. Are your favorite shows and movies displaying healthy, godly relationships? What kind of relationships are you constantly surrounding yourself with? What couples are you following on social media? We’ve got to stop feeding ourselves these toxic, unhealthy, and sometimes fabricated, relationships because, even if we know those situations aren't ideal, those things will still seep into us, affecting our views of relationships.
Keep examples of healthy relationships in your view because the more we see them, the more we learn them, recognize them, and eventually become them.
5. Lastly, it's not really our business where the good men are because it's not our place to find them.
We are supposed to be busy working on us and our purposes while they search and pursue us. So if you are overly concerned with scoping them out, then your energy is in the wrong place. Focus on becoming the kind of woman you want to be when your man of God finally finds you.
The main thing you want to remember is that your good man IS out there. And the quicker you can get yourself to a place that shows God ready for him, then the sooner He will bring him into your life. We’ve got to trust God with this and stop acting on your own behalf because we'll end up settling or deceiving ourselves into thinking that a guy is the one just because we’re tired of waiting, we have too much time on our hands, or we simply don't trust God. If you’re willing to release this areas to Him, God will show you that He's got your back and He WON’T let you down!