3 Reasons Why He's Not Pursuing You

Updated: Jan 10



Am I the only one who gets a little confused about what men do (or don't do) when it comes to dating and relationships?


Let me answer my own question: No, I'm not.

I can't be the only one who's gotten all of the "I'm clearly interested in you" signs and was still left wondering why it didn't go further than a few flirty exchanges.


Chances are you tapped on this title because you're a little baffled too. But allow me to use my own experiences to help you clear some of the confusion, specifically when it comes to why men drag their feet when pursuing you. Now, this isn't an exhaustive list by any means. These possible reasons are simply ones that I've encountered most often.




Possible Reason #1 - He isn't interested in a serious relationship

When a guy tells me that he's been interested in me for years and he's just now mentioning it to me, two things usually come to mind: He either thinks he's "got it like that" or he thinks I don't. He obviously has misinterpreted my worth because he sensed no urgency to put his bid in. I've found that this is usually because he isn't actually looking for anything serious and an opportunity just happened to present itself, such as bumping into me at an event or him coming across my profile on social media. This type of interest is very passive which is a major sign that you may be an option to him and not a priority.


If a man knows your worth and he's serious about getting to know you, whether he's sweating bullets or stumbling over his words, he's not going to let you walk away without letting you know that he is interested.


Possible Reason #2 - He isn't where he wants to be in life

Some men may fully see your worth and are genuinely interested in pursuing you, but they simply aren't where they feel like they need to be in life. Confidence is key when pursuing a woman and if he isn't insecure about his appearance, finances, career, personality, etc then the risk of rejection is high. During this time, he may pursue you just enough to keep you from forgetting who he is while trying to improve those areas that he believes aren't up to par.


Although this is both understandable and commendable, this could be a sign that he might be a little prideful. It's a huge sign of maturity (and a major turn-on) when a man can be honest and transparent about where he is in life, but also be able to clearly communicate what his goals are and his plan to achieve it. Knowing that he wants to give you his best is enduring, but make sure that you aren't making yourself unavailable until he gets it together.


Possible Reason #3 - You're expecting too much from the wrong person

Let's be honest. We, women, have the ability to create relationships that only exist in our minds. We can get so swept up in the hopeless romance of it all that we become blind to the signs. Just because you started naming your kids the moment you exchanged numbers doesn't mean he's doing the same. And just because he checked all of the boxes on your list doesn't mean you checked the ones on his. Try not to fill in the holes of what you don't know with your own assumptions. Take everything at face value. Men aren't as complex as women so they usually aren't sending "signals" for you to decode.


As someone who's personally experienced this before (repeatedly!), my suggestion to you is to keep your focus in the right place. As much as you may like him, obsessing over what he isn't doing will not move things along. Never put yourself in a position where you are waiting for someone to see your worth. If they don't see it, then they're obviously blind. Instead, focus your attention on yourself and your own goals. You'll never be desperate for something you're already providing to yourself. You're not an option, you're a priority. So don't cheapen your worth by begging, convincing, or waiting around for someone to notice that.

Learning Love       Pursuing Purpose

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